I CAN MOONWALK!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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