My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
