I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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