i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
