I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
