She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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