it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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