Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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