it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im six kinds of drunk right now
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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