i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
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I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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