her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My liver just broke up with me...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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