how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
