are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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