Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did i walk over a car last night?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
