i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
