I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize