And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
