Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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