none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
