Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
