I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
