I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
