I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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