everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
