my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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