just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
