she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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