You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
