If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
