Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
