Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
