im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
