Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
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I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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