I am spending my child support on dildos
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
