I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
