just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
