Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there was a trapeze. enough said
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
