Sorry, I don't speak sober.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
