She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i barfeds in our rink
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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