Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
