i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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