btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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