oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
