Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do herpes really smell.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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