No stitches, just platelets and will power
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
