i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
