Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
