Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize