Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
