I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
