We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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