Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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