Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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