Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
MIDGETS
????
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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