there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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