the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
