I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
