my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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