i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
