I wish I could teleport
he thought i was a dude.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
