dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
